counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
