she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
