Don't make out with my wife yet
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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