So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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