there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
