I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
