What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
