no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
