I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
