I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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