wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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