She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
