onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
