i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
