dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
