I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
