My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
