well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
