The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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