My first STD was from a foam party
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We had to coat check the pizza.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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