Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
