nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
