I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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