if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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