so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
