Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
