God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
