I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
