the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
