i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
