Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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