You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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