Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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