It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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