dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
