I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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