I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
