Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
