Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
