so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
