i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
