porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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