Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
