stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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