i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
