From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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