It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
