My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
