remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
