So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
