Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
