Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
