Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
